You’ve made it through pregnancy; the birth has happened and suddenly there’s a tiny new person in your arms. It can be an amazing, emotional and slightly surreal time. And while everyone is checking how baby is doing, you might quietly be wondering:
“What am I actually supposed to do?”
Whether you're the baby's other parent, a non-birthing partner, or you've welcomed your baby through another route, those first days can be a huge adjustment for you too. The good news? You don't need to have all the answers. Being present, getting involved and looking after each other can make a huge difference.
Look after each other
If your partner has given birth, they will be recovering physically as well as adjusting to life with a newborn. But becoming a parent can be an enormous adjustment for you too.
Try to think about what each of you needs. That might mean:
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Making sure everyone has something to eat and drink
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Taking turns to rest when possible
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Helping with household jobs
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Giving each other time to shower or have a break
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Checking in with each other emotionally
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Asking for help when things feel like too much
And don't always wait to be asked.
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“I've got dinner - you rest.”
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“I'll change the baby.”
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“Why don't you have a shower while I stay with them?”
Small practical things can make a big difference.
Get involved with baby
There are lots of ways to build your relationship with your baby, whatever your role in the family.
You can take ownership of things like:
Nappy changes
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Getting baby dressed
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Cuddling and settling
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Skin-to-skin contact
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Bathing when you're ready
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Helping with feeds
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Going for walks together
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Learning your baby's individual cues
If one parent is breastfeeding, the other can still be a huge part of feeding time- bringing the baby, getting comfortable, making sure there's water and food nearby or taking care of everything else. If you're using formula or expressing milk, feeding can be something you share too. There isn't one “right” way to divide newborn care. Find what works for your family.
Protect your little bubble
The first few days can feel very precious - and sometimes very busy. Family and friends may be excited to meet the baby, messages may be coming in and everyone might have an opinion about what you should be doing. You don't have to accommodate everyone. You can decide together who you want to see, when you're ready and when you need some quiet time. Sometimes one of the most helpful things you can say is:
“We're going to have some quiet time now. We'll speak to you soon.”
Learn together
Nobody is born knowing how to change a nappy, settle a newborn or understand every little noise they make. You're learning together. Ask your midwife, health visitor or other healthcare professional questions. If something doesn't seem right, speak up. You might also find that you and your partner do things differently. That's okay. There isn't always one perfect way to do something. You're both finding your feet.
